I was driving kids to school one morning last fall, listening to a news program about mortgage foreclosures, when I realized things had quieted down in the back seat. 

        My 9-year-old son said "Mom . . .  are people losing their houses?"

        I turned off the radio and said something about how the economy was going downhill, making it hard for some people to pay for the homes they bought on credit from a bank.

        This started a flurry of other questions-from both sons at this point:

"Does a bank own our house?"

"Will they kick us out?"

"Is that what happened to my friend Jordan?  He moved last year.   Did the bank take his house?"

        I realized that my answer had not only been more complicated than necessary, it didn't really address the underlying question both boys were actually asking.

        "Hang on, guys," I said.  "No one is going to ask us to move.  We're not having any problems.  Everything is okay."

        When I was a teen, my dad was laid off from his job at a lumber mill.  I remember worrying about whether our lives would change.  His assurance at the time strikes me today as far too simple for the sophisticated 15-year-old I remember being. 

         "I'll do whatever it takes to make sure we're all right," Dad said. "We have a lot of options, but if I had to, I'd wash dishes to take care of this family."

        When I had asked if he was worried about the future, Dad knew that what I really needed to know was that someone was handling things and that there was no need for panic.

        While I probably realized Dad would have needed to wash a lot of dishes to make the equivalent of his former salary, his words weren't the only thing that I found reassuring.  His actions were those of someone who was managing his stress well.  His activity level never waned.  His temper was even.  He maintained his routines and friendships and talked openly with my sister and me about our situation.  He and Mom answered all of our questions as directly as possible.  They encouraged us to work as a team to tighten our belts, and praised even the tiniest of our efforts to conserve family resources.

        As it turns out, Dad-who to my knowledge never read a parenting book or article-was setting the right example for his children. 

        "Children learn financial and stress management from their parents," says Kristy Archuleta of Kansas State University's Personal Financial Planning Institute. "Especially in economically turbulent times, (children) can learn to talk about how to save and spend money effectively, and to seek help when needed."

        It is unlikely that, especially as parents, we will ever lead a stress-free life.  Experts say that the best thing we can do for our children is to help them learn how to manage the stress they feel.  How we cope, or fail to cope, with our own personal stress sets an example for our children.

        You can start a conversation by talking about your feelings with your children.  Ask them what they are feeling.  Talk in general about what behaviors you might exhibit as a result of feeling stress-especially unconsciously (behaving rudely to strangers or your family, for example, driving aggressively, or making rash decisions).  Ask them what actions might indicate they are feeling a high level of stress (bad behavior at school and home, temper tantrums, or crying), and discuss what actions you might take to alleviate your stress, such as getting more sleep or exercise, getting organized, pampering yourself, or gathering information and planning.

        For most of us, feelings of isolation, of lacking of information or direction, or feeling helpless in general, can exacerbate stress.  The same is true for children.

         "Children and adolescents and teenagers who experience the anxiety of current events lack access to the underlying information to make sense of them, much less respond directly to them," says psychologist and author, Dr. Keith Ablow.

        Ablow recommends communicating with your children, even those as young as 6 or 7, about what can or may change in your lives and how you feel about it.  This can not only help keep them from imagining the worst, he says, "it can also keep them from feeling an exaggerated sense of fear or personal responsibility to keep themselves and other family members safe."

        Ablow recommends asking your children if they have questions, or if they've heard about situations involving their friends that might worry them.  Clear up any misunderstandings and acknowledge if there is a problem you're worried about.  Assure them that they need not worry about your feelings for them, even if you seem to lack patience or show anxiety at times.

        You might even look at this as an opportunity to enlist your child's help.  Children who have a sense of empowerment and a modicum of control over their situations are more likely to react to stressful situations in a proactive manner as they become adults.

• Make a list of regular or planned purchases you agree as a family that are "essential," and those that are not. My husband and I did this recently, cutting a few magazine subscriptions and a few other items from our monthly budget. We asked the kids to help us stick to that budget by not asking us to splurge on impulse items they see in the store.
• Look for ways you can conserve what you use every day. Talk to your child about not wasting food and turning off electronics and lights when not in use. Praise her when she reminds you to conserve resources, or comes up with a new idea to save money.
• Open a savings account in your child's name and encourage him to save a portion of his allowance or gift money regularly.
• Plan regular family activities that don't cost money-like day hikes with the dog or trips to the library for community events. Encourage your child to look for flyers or community calendar announcements she can contribute as a suggestion.
• Encourage your kids to consider other families who are more severely affected by our current economic crisis. Organize a neighborhood food drive for the local food bank, or pursue another community service activity. Many nonprofit organizations are downsizing just like corporate America-donations are declining as well-so there are plenty of opportunities to get involved.
• On a weekly or even nightly basis, initiate a discussion about things you are grateful for, and encourage your kids to continue to think of new things to add to the list. Nothing is too small or too silly to be included: indoor plumbing, cool-looking bugs, good health, a day of sunshine, a nice compliment you heard today, or a good joke. This is a helpful exercise in positive thinking and a wonderful coping strategy for kids to learn to seek out the positive, which helps increase feelings of optimism at any age.

        Above all, experts, including Ablow, stress the importance of reminding children frequently your priority is your family, and that one constant in their lives will always be your love for them.

Beth Markley is a nonprofit consultant and writer who lives in Boise with her husband and two boys.  She is practicing the art of switching from news to music radio, in order to keep her sanity while driving the car.