Being a parent never ends, and luckily neither does the pleasure. From kindergarten Halloween parades to high school debate tournaments, we have the privilege of watching our kids shine. Parents who take that privilege seriously and participate in their children’s education and activities send the message that a home-school connection is important. As one of my young family members said when asked why he likes to see Mom and Dad in the crowd at his activities, “When I see them out there, I know they care about me.”

        What gets us to school or extra-curricular events is often hand-delivered by student couriers. Who can resist an envelope covered with stickers or hand-drawn flowers with Mom and Dad scrawled on the front? You know something good is inside. After all, it’s from your child. Without the help of lined paper, the handwritten message tumbles unevenly down the page.

PLEASE COME TO OUR FALL FESTIVAL.

            We will sing and dance for you, read our poems and serve you delicious refreshments.

            Time: 2:00-3:00 on October 28^th in our classroom.

            See you there. Love, Bella

        Of course you’ll be there. What could be more fun than seeing your child perform while watching how she interacts with her classmates? You mark the calendar and make a note to tell your boss that you’ll need a couple of hours for your child’s event, hoping your absence will be approved.

When Attendance Is Impossible

        If leaving work is not an option, here are some ways to let your child know you’re there in spirit, if not in body.

•  Offer to make cookies or bring fresh apples for the class.

•  Write a personal note to your child to let him know how much you’d rather be with him than not.

•  Tell her you want to hear all about it at dinner.

•  Send along a disposable camera so that someone can take photos of your child’s participation.

Spectator Etiquette

        Sideline cheering doesn’t always mean shouting or squealing. There are many ways to demonstrate positive reinforcement for your child’s efforts. The next time you sit on the sidelines at your daughter’s karate practice or your son’s ice hockey game, think about the message you are sending.

•  Be on time. The grand entrance should be your child’s, not yours as you crawl across people to find your seat.

•  A big smile goes a long way to making a positive connection.

•  Clap when it’s appropriate. Be sensitive to the environment. Clapping at a ball game is not the same as breaking into applause while your child is in the middle of playing a difficult clarinet solo.

•  Make eye contact with your child and stay focused on him, rather than text-messaging, for example. You want him to see that you are fully engaged in his activity and not multi-tasking.

•  Support all players, actors, performers. A quick “Your daughter is amazing!” will demonstrate to another parent that you appreciate everyone’s contribution.

•  Never criticize another child’s performance or skill. And bragging about your child’s performance may seem self-serving to others. Simply clap or smile when she performs well.

•  No child sets out to be embarrassed or to do something that will cause pain to their team, other participants, or themselves. Have compassion and realize that for that moment, they are doing the best they can. Professionals make mistakes too.

•  Watch your facial expressions. Rolling your eyes, frowning, or glaring will only add to any stress your child may be experiencing. Certainly, a big sigh or gasp is out of the question.

•  Ask yourself if what you are doing as a spectator helps your child have a good time and feel good about being there. Undue pressure and worry kill enthusiasm.

After the Event

•  Whisper a special comment in your child’s ear, e.g., “Wow, you were awesome today. That stick-handling practice paid off when you escaped the other team’s defenseman. I’m so glad I was here to see it.”

•  Let your child lead the after-event discussion. He might not feel as good as you do. Follow his lead if he wants to discuss any personal challenges or disappointments he felt about his own performance. Be encouraging and offer assistance in figuring out how to handle possible down times in the future.

•  Display any artwork or written material from school at home. Recently, while visiting a car dealership, I noticed that our salesman had several preschool drawings mounted on his office wall. He clearly wanted to let his children know how much he valued their art and to show customers his feelings for his family.

•  Be specific. “I loved the skit you performed. Even when your Roman toga became tangled in Tim’s sword, you smoothly managed it and kept on delivering your lines. The show must go on, and it did. You were thinking on your feet!”

•  Thank the coach or teacher after the event. A simple “Thanks for all you do to make my child’s participation so meaningful” goes a long way in building and maintaining good communication between home and school. Send a handwritten note the next day. It will offer a boost for the teacher or coach. Send along any photos you took that include the rest of the kids.

        Spectator parents bring positive spirit to a child’s life. If warming a seat and enjoying the show or game makes you feel good, imagine how good your child feels having you there.

Judy Ware is a Boise writer. She is grateful for the chance to warm a chair and supply a smile for the children in the family who invite her into their lives.